Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
