Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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