I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
