shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just had sex bonerless
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
