capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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