the day after is always just damage control
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
