Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
