I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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