I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
