walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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