big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
