just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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