is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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