Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When are your genitals available?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
