I feel great
I just peed on a car
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
