somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
