I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
