Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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