can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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