Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
