I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
