Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
