No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
