I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
