I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
