There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My vagina just recognized that song.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
