i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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