The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
