Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
