You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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