update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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