i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
