Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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