My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
