ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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