i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
