Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
