so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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