And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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