there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
