The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
