I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i will never coherently bang her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
