Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
