After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
