between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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