I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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