I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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