I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
