You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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