that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
