I hope mine doesn't look like that
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
