Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
