Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
