Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
