I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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