I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
