I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
