this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
