There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize