I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
