I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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