i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I could fuck to npr.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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