Too much gin, very little bucket
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
