Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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