you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
